I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
