Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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