just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
