i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
