fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
