Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
