I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize