Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
