i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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