Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
