Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
