Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
