I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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