There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
