why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
