I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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