Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
