why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
