I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
