Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i will never coherently bang her
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
