Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
