i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my liver is dry heaving
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
