I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize