Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
