btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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