South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
