Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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