Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize