Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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