You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
