he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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