WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry about my life...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
