You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
