my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
