she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
