You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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