i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
