Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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