My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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