Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
