I just made out with a guy for $7.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
