dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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