On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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