it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ladies don't puke and tell
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
