Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
