yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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