2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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