Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
