I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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