Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
