I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
