I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
