How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
