i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
