If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
