my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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