whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
