Swine flu. Run for my life!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Houston, we have a squirter
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
