He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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