and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The struggles of a small town man whore
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
