Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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