Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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